Hell on Wheels

Moving brings out the worst in people. The following contains enough anxiety to induce stress and a phobia of moving, ever. In fact, I might have to make Halifax my home base from now on.

Friday 5pm: I pick up the Uhaul with my mother. We are already fighting because I couldn't just walk out to the highway 30-min from my house and pick it up myself. I have been "upgraded" to giant Uhaul despite calling numerous times to confirm my smallest-size-possible Uhaul.

9pm: With the help of two male friends (paid with beverages of choice) the U-haul is packed. Conversations with mother avoided although numerous comments made about me being a terrible packer.

Saturday 8am: Leave in the Uhaul. Considerable discussion over who is driving vehicle from hell. Dad is slow to get ready and follows us in own car. Barely ate breakfast because my mother is paranoid we will miss ferry. Mum forgets to take the food she claimed to have packed.

9:30-11:00 - endure crowded, noisy, crying baby ferry ride. Decide never to have children.

11am - 2pm: Take four wrong turns on the way to Halifax. My mother refused to listen anytime I gave directions. We got lost looking for gas in Bible Hill and tried to go over the wrong bridge into Halifax. It begins to pour.

2pm-3pm: Unpack my life into (beautiful) apartment. My dad arrived one hour before us and already became BFF with a law student in my building. Sweating profusely, I am super annoyed in general.

3pm: Celebrate successful unpacking and breath deep sigh of relief. My parents reminds me not to get too happy until we drop off the Uhaul. I frown, increasing the likelihood of my face freezing after a day of frowning.

3:25: Arrive at stated Uhaul drop off location. Got special permission from construction crew to drive down blocked off street. Said location is a dead end residential street with no Uhauls.

3:30: Place first frantic call to Uhaul Charlottetown, while parked on busy side street. Parents commence arguing. Uhaul Charlottetown appears confused and tells me to go to Jubilee Street. Still raining.

3:50: Arrive at Jubliee. Mum turns right instead of left when I say we should turn LEFT. I get yelled at. Resulting turn results in hitting a lamp post. My fault also.

4:05: Arrive at stated address on Jubliee. Find it is a small store without no drive way. Talk to employee. They are decidedly not a Uhaul drop off location, although they do sell moving equipment.

4:07: Place third call to Uhaul. Ask for Manager. Get very angry. Still no apologies. Give vague directions to third Uhaul place. Parents furious. Still raining.

4:15: Call Uhaul again because the vague directions they gave me did not help. I am furious. Seriously consider driving it into a brick wall. "Josh" at Uhaul still does not appear apologetic or take responsibility for fucking up.

4:40: Arrive at North End drop off location. Find abandoned warehouse location with broken blinds and turned over chairs inside. See no "drop" box for Uhaul keys.

4:46: While I am on the phone with U-Haul, the police pull over to tell my father that he is parked the wrong way on a one-way street and imply that we might be in the wrong neighbourhood. I scream at U-haul Charlottetown that I am not driving to any other goddamn location. Also curse my future cell phone bill.

5:00: Finally speak to Uhaul Halifax. Girl is incredibly apologetic for Uhaul Charlottetown's incompetence. All three locations haven't been in use for years. She tells me to LEAVE THE KEYS IN THE UNLOCKED VEHICLE. She will pick it up Tuesday.

5:05: My mother doesn't listen to me when I am trying to explain this to her even though I am screaming at her not to lock the doors and she locks the doors. We are locked out of said Uhaul and they don't have another set of keys.

5:10: Call Uhaul Halifax to apologize and they reluctantly agree that this is their problem.

5:12: Get into car and am so frustrated that I can not speak to either parent. Start to cry. My dad suggests we all go out for a nice dinner. Despite teeming rain, I ask to be dropped off immediately at next stop light. Parents insist on driving to the Subway near my apartment. Since I ate one piece of toast all day, I feel like I am going to pass out.

5:30: Arrive at new home, shaking uncontrollably from low blood sugar and frantically search for ibuprofen.

5:35. Eat Subway cookies first. Recover, slowly.

12pm: Realize I have a beautiful new home and that I don't have to live with my parents or travel in a Uhaul again for a very long time.